I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
