I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
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Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
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YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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