Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
