Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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