my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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