She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
