i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
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until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
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I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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