when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I cannot find my penis.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Welp...herpes.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
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