I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
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So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
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You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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