I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
