This girl is more easily done than said...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
