I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
