Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
