I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
