My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize