I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
