Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
