Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
