Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
