its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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