i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
