Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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