I just cut my nipple shaving
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
