If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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