I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
