it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
