i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize