I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
