shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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