So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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