I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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