I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
