Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
