I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
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If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
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we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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