There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
