I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
