It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think people are normalizing furries
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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