I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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