we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
These tits shall not be calmed
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
