remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
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I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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