Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
