she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
