We're facebook friends in real life
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
