Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I will pee on everything he values.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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