Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
