I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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