I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
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I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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