maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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