my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
