Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
