My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
