I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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