At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Boobs speak an international language.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
