okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
