I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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