Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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