If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
