i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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