just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
