how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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