i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
