You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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