I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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