I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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