but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
