she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
