Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just want nice things and good sex
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
