Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
