May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
