ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
