PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
