loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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