Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
tell me about the eggs
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
