happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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