The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
