i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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