Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize