i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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