Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
