Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
