matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
