im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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