You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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