drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
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Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
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He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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