3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
